past. present. future.

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like, for this morning for example- I realised how incredibly *behind* I am on my practical for piano, and not to mention a lesson on Thursdays (let me tell you, private lessons are GREAT motivators) on which if I don't prepare for will be a rather large waste of $45 dollars- decided to actually get in some practice on my Shubert sonata of which will be the 'decider' of all my 4 peices as to wheather I will fail or pass A mus (1 in 3 students fail).

I literally, suck at this peice, at the moment- compared to the other 2 I've started (both mediocre.. but its still early days) but for some reason, this morning, I felt I was beginning to actually *get* it.

Its a really empowering peice, with quiet bits and loud bits all mingling together to form some pretty powerful stuff (geeze that makes NO sense... how did I get through HSC music aural exams again?! ... <- biggest bullshit exam alive... *eh hum* )

and in that moment I was playing this one broken chord (arpeggio. so shoot me I use baby language) on the 4th page-- I felt like I could do anything -

Like I had the potential to ace higher chem ... like I could take on the GAMstat and somehow ace that too ...

Like Id get a niiiiiiiiice GPA at the end of my first year and that it would resonate throughout the future 2/3 years....

Yet when I stopped playing, and thought of the large pile of text books on my desk, and te barely opened biology text (which is about the size of a birthday cake box holding a cake for 20 people) all hope just gushes away and I'm left all alone... wondering where the feelings of success and happiness went ...

In psych today, they were talking about personality traits and what different psychologists over the past couple of centuries have theorised about different types of people - some psychologists went all hard core and labeled everyone whilst one believed that no two people were different.

In one example, the lecturer (who is deaf apparently, but if she never told you - you'd never tell by just going to her lectures alone, which makes it mean when the room is pretty noisy ...) asked as to think of words to describe ourselves-- and said that the first 3 to 10 words that we thought of were our 'main' or central characteristics (according to one of the psychologists she was discussing).

The only word at that moment that I could think of was competitiveness...


On the Library lawn today, people from Med revue (in which lots of CSE [computer science and engineering] revue people were also dressed as Med. revue people which kinda ~< me since I'm in CSE revue... despite not being in their faculty >< ) were shaving their heads for $200 bucks that would go towards the childrens hospital <- yes even girls were shaving their heads including one asian girl that had that silky asian hair (shoulder length)done. I bet she was a med. student.

If I got into med, I think I'd shave my head.

One guy, (who had a fro and got his shaved) said if someone donated $50 bucks, he'd let some guy from the revue KICK him in the BALLS.

And it did happen, and I watched it and it was ;o much ...

These are just some of the few things that happens around the UNSW campus on a regular basis ;) <- I dont think you'd find it at UTS - their campus is just like an office block right in the center of the city, which would make it kinda impossible for an event to not only gather a large amount of people in their tiny cramped space but also kinda dirty if they did it in the food court or something.


Two words. Nice words. Words which mean to mean 'gee I really wish I went there'. According to my cousin who had a worse time than myself choosing between USNW and U syd (she got such a nice UAI she had the pick of the crop, whilst I had to kinda hope that the numbers wouldnt jump for CSP [poor or smart students]... and they did... but in some respects I'm leaning why UNSW is better than U syd for med. sci in particular... although I can't walk past the faculty of med. without feeling pretty crappy ...) ... in Australia ... UNSW is considered to be pretty hot property ... [yes such knowledge makes me feel good about myself ... ]

I have to go into the faculty of med building today (my ramblings won't stop dammin it!) Apparently B. med sci students arent from ANY particular faculty, meaning that we can't go to the science people for advice really ... We have to go to the med. faculty people --> but really we're definatly not med. students so ...

Pre med.

Which they have in America and not in Australia, is the equivelent to (according to my international school buddy) B. med sci or a B science (med sci) <- (the second of which I think is retarded... a double wannabe .... I think being one wannabe is enough already!) that basically pre med in the US is like an undergrad degree from which students do MCAT and try and get into grad. med <- US doesnt have undergrad med... we do have it here : short cuts about 1 year, but only select places have it ...

Here we have B. med sci or B science (med sci.) [which is supposed to be easier to get into than med. sci. but I wouldn't have a clue... Only U syd rejected my UAI for a CSP place in med. sci. damminit] then we have GAMSTAT (which stands for something that means basically, graduate medicine admissions test)

One of those select places that has undergrad med would be known as


The girl sitting next to me in chem today asked if the stuff that undergrad med people at Newcastle (other than UNSW the only other place in NSW that has undergrad med is Newcastle) would be doing EASIER chem stuff that we 'regular' science people .. (although let me tell you, med sci isnt regular ;) are doing.

That elected some weird looks from me and the girl on her other side whose comment was "you want to go to medicine because you think it would be EASIER than adv. sci?!" -- question girl apparently had the opportunity to go to med (not med sci. but MED undergrad) at Newcastle and turned her back on it ... didn't get to the interview stage, but knew she could have if she really went for it.

I could have killed to be in her place at that moment.

Only thing is I have this STUPID thing called morals...

* eh hum *

Shoko (international school friend) likes the carreres adviser for med. students (who is incidentaly the adviser for B. med sci. students ) and this is the ONLY reason (that and I want to ask a bunch of questions about courses and UMAT and GAMSTAT chances etc. ) that I will ever go into the faculty of med. building and that is the only reason alone -- that and so I can see if he looks as old as 35 sounds (to an 18 yr old, 35 for a bf. is old... )

Im obviously too childish for the med. faculty.

Like it says on the back of the society of medical science students ; "we could do medicine if we wanted to ..."

If someone offered me 200 bucks to walk into the faculty of med. wearing the med. sci. soc shirt ... I don't know if I would take it (hair up so you could see the words at the back of the shirt)

(Im NOT buying that shirt for $12)

What brings me comfort is that he [the advisor guy] was an arts student.

No offence to arts students... [this is where the opinionated side of me comes out, trait #2 opinionated...] but where exactly is arts going to take you?! [apparently everywhere... which would never satisfy my need for comfort and knowing pretty much exactly where I'll most likely be for the next 3 years or so.]

I don't know how he can work in that particular building ...

(and thus the reason why I droped the idea of B. sci B. arts at what is supposedly ivy legue here in Aust - U syd -- but if UNSW is too .. then whats the damn. difference ? )

Hum. Ive really ranted and raved .. and I don't know if anyone, outside say that of myself would have followed the above [ or could be bothered to read it *scratches head*] to even a 80% accuracy level.. maybe someone who is in the same system we have here in Aust... ~< who also is thinking about med. (and if they are not as nuttily idiotic as I am probably would have closed the screen by now and smiled at their chances at getting in if I am their only competition. ....

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i read it all! and im not even doing med science.

but seriously, dont let it all bring you down. try to keep that feelign you get when you play music with you. your heaps smart if you are doing med science alltogether, trust me. i did something hard in maths today and i thought i was going to fall apart- you are amazing, ok?
that whole thing, with your music, it actually reminded me of how House is with his music- thats a complement, btw...

&- you actually saw someone getting kicked in the balls? wow. thought that only happened in the movies- *snicker*

Your *Definatly* not doing med sci ... unless they teach it in yr. 8 (although ... Ive met some pretty crazy smart 14 yr olds online ...)


btw. when is your birthday?
Oh math ... the bane of my exsistance.

btw. I love the kicker guy who said afterwards "I wasn;t really aiming to hit him that hard" LOL . *sighs*

hehe no they dont teach it, but im in year 9 :P hehe.

and my B'day is on the 18th of December (1991)

and dont you have to do heaps of maths, because of med sci? *shudder*

Nonononononon!! you don't know how much I HATE math .. well . maybe not hate it ... abhorr it definatly ... (did I spell that rightly ? ... prolly notly :p )

aww 1991! your kidding! thats so younggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg ...

I didn't really understand why it was important to know the ins and outs of all the different unis that offer your course (Mine's pretty much everywhere: UTS, U syd, UNSW. Maquarie ... etc.) because at UNSW they only make you do half a year, not a whole year (like U syd) of math. Not to mention I get some "artsy" type subjects to choose from as electives at UNSW ( no electives till third year at U syd) so I get to do psychcology :D

I love bagging out uni's that rejected me for a CSP/hex place :D [for med. sci. that is]

Not to mention: you can choose like the lowest level of maths and not get penilised (like in the HSC where they do this gay arse thing called "scaling" ... ) -- do you know how to speak like some obscure language? 'cause if you can speak it well, and they offer it as a HSC subject your marks will go ^^ ... like ^^ like *Really* ^^ ... ... .. ... .. ... (who hates her 4 u cousin ... _another_ story for _another_ time)

Your in yr 9 *open eyes widly* ... damn ... I guess I'm kinda slow on the up take, 'cause I knew you online last year as a year 8 student ... >< which kinda makes sense now that I think about it ... ><

I'll repeat my question again: your thinking about med, aren't you -- don't be afraid to say yes, I was when I was ... well your age ... but I always repressed it with the knowing inside that I "just wasn't smart enough". eh hum. That being said -- such fact still exsists ... and yet .. I'm still doing what I'm doing _- if that makes any sense...

hehe, well, im not sure... i mean, i think about it. and i ponder it, and i wonder if i should do it.
but i dont know, there are some things... i dont know if i could handle that responsibility of having someones life in my hands... i mean i watch what they do on house (i know its not like TV but still) and i just think, how could i ever handle that? i get upset watching the news.
also, there is the whole squirmish thing. i mean, i know i wouldnt have to do surgery if i didnt want, but theres always going to be the grossness.

and ofcourse, there always the whole "not smart enough thing". i know, i know, "i can do anything i put my mind to" but seriously, i dont reckon its that easy. all those tiny little details you have to remember, millions of them... i cant even remember if i have a dentist appointment, or what time my bus comes.

Ahhh only a med sci student would be suitably fasinated and excited to start her second year because 3rd year students promised her that she would get to see dead bodies and diseases...


mehhhhh your still young ;) time to grow... become unsquirmish ...

(( I hate dentists ... who wouldn't repress the memory of pain that a dentist appointment pretty much 80% of the time contain?))

btw. do u have msn and if so, why are you NOT on my list?

add me. er_aussie@hotmail.com

I bet your thinking about med, aren't you ?

Let me tell you - don't wait till your final year to decide to try out ... _<

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